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It's Okay to be Too Much (aka yourself)

*The original version of this post used timestamps, summaries, and direct quotes from the family group chat. My anxiety got to me, so here is a summary*

 To provide two pieces of context for today's slice: I have caused my parents/sister worry and concern about my "appropriateness" since I learned to talk and had opinions 😂. Also, yesterday, I sent a text in the family group chat showing a shirt I wore to work that said "Read Banned Books" to kick off "Read Across America" week (cue the concern).

Today, I sent a picture in the family group chat of me wearing a "Reading Rainbow" t-shirt and a statement that while I did not have enough shirts to go all week, that was okay (otherwise, I'd end up with shirt deliveries, links, or Facebook messages out the wazoo!). My sister, who did not engage with the "Read Banned Books" of yesterday, responded to say it looked cute. I cracked a joke about hoping it encouraged my 8th graders to read the sources they were practicing determining credibility with, but that went unanswered. Hours later, Mom questioned how yesterday's "political" shirt went over with my colleagues and Dad congratulated me on keeping my job despite wearing said shirt. I replied that the shirt was more a statement on censorship and restriction to information, rather than a particular political jab. I then followed up with a link to the federal legislation that has been introduced for a national book ban to "protect children" from anything that might make their worldview a little more inclusive (my summary of the Act). Crickets could be heard for miles around in response to that. Hours on from that, my sister shared the results of my niece's IQ/Cognitive tests. This was a surprise as I was unaware she had been tested, or that results were received. She scored very well, and many related comments ensued.

I recognize that it is easier to discuss something that is concrete, numbers, rankings. Something that is relevant to your life and situation. That's not how we engage with this complex, forever in flux, world. That is not the only kind of conversations we should be having with loved ones or those around us. It used to bother me when I felt like I shared a piece of myself and it was disregarded by others. Especially, when I felt like I had something good to share, something to connect over. I have grown and come to realize that it is more a reflection of the person you are sharing with than on yourself whether they are able to embrace what you have given. The search for validation was a long one, perhaps almost an unrequited one. As I grow into whoever I will be in this next cycle of life, I become more confident in myself. I learn how to gather those who lift each other up around me and quiet the voices that used to be so loud in my head. Some days I move forward and some days I lose ground in that battle. Progress over perfection is what my next t-shirt will say 🦋 

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