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Love Languages?

 A while back, probably closer to 10 than 5 years ago, "Love Languages" popped into my social circles. What's your love language? What's your husband's? Do you think you're compatible? 

Some years, and a lot of therapy removed from this time period, I can look back on it and chuckle to myself. The person who popularized love languages, at least in my circle, was a religious man who published a book (not based in science) and published it. Effectively, it's as reliable as astrology (which I dabble in for a good time): yes, there are things about my personality that are reflected in the Scorpio sun sign, but not all of them. So yes, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch are all important in any relationship, but whether you lean into those or not does not define who you are.

That being said, I thought I was an acts of service and words of affirmation person. Turns out, that's not quite true (silly me!). Acts of service done by my husband or family I am okay with. Anyone else goes above and beyond or even offers the smallest crumb? I immediately am embarrassed or think they must think I'm incapable, even if I have worked with them or shown my capabilities for years. Additionally, I really do not like being the center of attention, of anything, ever. How might that relate you ask? Words of affirmation. I don't tend to believe them when anyone says anything complimentary. I'm getting better at working through my own confidence issues, but generally speaking, when someone calls out something I've done that is good or helpful, I'll play it down.

Which is why I was so surprised at myself the past few days! After our women's dinner and our sharing, one of the ladies reached out to me. At one point in the night, when I was sharing something, I mentioned that I was raised to believe I was "hard for others to love". I finished my share, we moved on, the night continued. When I got home, I had a text waiting on my phone from one of the women. She was telling me that she wholeheartedly disagreed with that statement and after our first meeting (so many months ago) after I had said I'm "ride or die, but honest'" she knew I was someone she would like to have as a friend. In my usual manner, I made a joke and let her know I appreciated her and then rode that high into the next day :)

Yesterday, in the course of our conversation she tells me she has a radar for good people and I'm one of them. My whole heart. It's amazing when someone says the words you need, even if you have heard them differently before, and your brain says "oh! That's me!". I told her. as I'll tell you, I'm going to ride this positive feeling for a while :)

Comments

  1. Linda @ wherewervMarch 17, 2026 at 8:34 AM

    This was an interesting read for me. I remember the Love Languages book. I learned about it when I was still married to my first husband. (The book didn’t do us any good.) I am now married to someone who understands and appreciates me for who I am.
    The second part of your slice, about affirmations, also caught my interest. I also have a voice in me that disagrees when I am complimented. I can find an argument about why that compliment is just wrong. I have also been working on that, but it’s a trait that is pretty ingrained. Having people you trust (like the one you ended with) give you an honest opinion helps. You might write her words and put it in a place where you can see it everyday. That helps, too. (Ask me how I know that.) : )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bosox297March 17, 2026 at 8:19 PM

      What a great idea! Like a personal affirmation, I love it!

      Delete
  2. MschiubookaMarch 17, 2026 at 8:38 PM

    Yes, I do remember that book, but completely forgot my love language. I appreciate your honest reflection about affirmations. I am incredibly embarrassed when praised by others. Literally squirming inside. Your friend’s words of encouragement made my heart swell. Yes, that’s you!

    ReplyDelete

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