Today being the first of the month, I sat down with my notebook to give myself my monthly "Performance Review": did I meet my goals? What went well? What needs to change? How am I going to incorporate those changes? Did I complete my to do lists efficiently?
February is the shortest month, but when your mind and body feel unregulated all of the days blur together like one, big, looming disaster. Upon looking at the various trackers and notes to myself I had left on the pages, I noticed a distinct, almost two full weeks, blank space in every one of them. While I could certainly blame going out of town, I took my notebook with me. I took my regulating systems with me. Maybe I could look to other areas to shift my blame? No. This is a year of accountability. Of learning not to simply survive, but thrive alongside my neurodivergence. I reviewed each page with intention, mentally noted each misstep that led to a bigger lapse that led to the ultimate breakdown of systems and patterns I rely on.
Then, I moved. I wrote new goals for March. I made myself reasonable to do lists. I reached out to friends and reviewed plans. I followed up on messages that fell to the wayside. I scheduled time for myself on the calendar, blocking out a space for me to work on me or dive into hobbies I've been putting off until summer. I am restarting with "All Systems Go" and it feels refreshing. I expected to feel overwhelmed, like I had failed or was being punished for my "errors". I don't. For a moment of gratitude, I wrote that I was grateful for a chance to start over. This chance, this Sunday, this beginning of the week and month, is perfectly presented by the universe to be a moment in time to get back to the plan. Get back to the plan to grow, learn, change, evolve.
February felt like failure, March feels like motivation.
Welcome, welcome, welcome! I'm glad you're here on this first Sunday of the month. A new challenge, a new week, and a new month. Lots of new beginnings!
ReplyDeleteI try to have a "meeting with myself" regularly and find that the most, the MOST important thing I can do is be gentle with myself in order to make space to learn and grow. I love how you shared your own journey in this same work, and hope you'll find Slicing a great place to be reflective.
ReplyDeleteI echo Lisa’s response. Tech wasn’t a part of my early career or my education, so the idea of teaching my goals, etc. w/apps isn’t something I’ve done. Some habits are easy: Writing every day, working out, tracking books. I think it’s easier for my generation in some ways because we grew up in an analog world. Anyway, what’s most important is being gentle w/ yourself and doing what’s best for you.
ReplyDeleteWahoo!! I’m thrilled you joined the challenge and am engrossed in the systems of your slice. Cheers to a new clean March slate!
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