Skip to main content

Women-Only

 Last night I had dinner with a few women. We were out together by an app, spent several weeks (with breaks for holidays!) getting to know a bit about each other, and now we are making it on our own. Are they friends? I don't know yet, but I do enjoy my time being with them and learning from them, there is always so much to learn!

As the clean up from dinner/dessert was happening, one of the women gently said that she really appreciated being in a Women-Only space and feeling comfortable to share her thoughts. At first, I thought "of course you can!", but then I had several follow up thoughts that I think she might have meant:

- Having a Women-Only space: there are many times in life that our space is dominated by men, even if they are the minority in the room. Somehow (silly societal expectations) they become the speaker, the leader, the center, even if they do not wish to be. I am lucky to work with many men who would gladly step to the side instead of taking center stage in conversations. However, their presence alone may make it challenging to truly share our thoughts/feelings/experiences/knowledge, for a litany of reasons (this could be a separate post or series of posts!).

- Having a space where you feel comfortable to share your thoughts: There are so many expectations put upon us based on elements we can't really control: other's perceptions. In thinking last night, I too appreciate that as a group, we have moments together where we can be who we are, regardless of what face we show to the world. In our first session, our group guide brought us into some heavy topics, so we were used to getting into the weeds of it all. There truly doesn't seem to be "bravado" or insincerity. We share what we feel comfortable with and for some of us that's a little and for some of us that's a lot. Last night, we did the same with a "simple" question "What is one thing now that past/younger you would be proud of you for?". Do you know how much space a question like that can take up in a room? It can suck all the air out if you let it! Lucky for me, I wasn't in the hot seat immediately, so I had time to think about my answer and gauge its potential impact on the vibes of the evening. I should have known better by now though, our group can always recover from the deep and dark. We don't apologize for tears, we don't preface statements, we dive in and got lucky enough that at least one other woman has stood in a place that we have stood.

- Having a Women-Only space where you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts: Women can be extraordinarily cruel. I'm not sure where "mean girls come first" happened, probably in the 90's to 2000's with media and starving ourselves, but truly, women rip each other down faster than any other creature I've ever seen. I feel like it must start in middle school, as that is what I teach and that notion rears its ugly, unreasonable head more frequently as the year goes on. This requires discussions and time set aside to address the underlying issues, so students know that not only is ripping each other down not okay, it won't be helpful in your life, ever. I am profoundly glad to have this group of women who support each other. Many of us have been through tough times, some through cancer, infertility, persecution based on religion, and so on. All of us have been through the "lighter" tough times of growing up, needing help and not knowing how to ask for it, the termination of a relationship in general, and more. 

In this space, surrounding a dinner table with people I do not know in-depthly, I am comfortable in my "womanness"and more importantly, what being a woman looks like for me. In the beginning, some of these women terrified me. The way they dressed, spoke, walked, and everything else was so much more in line with "ladylike" than I think I have ever been. Some of us dress up, some come in jeans and a t-shirt, some laugh loudly, others barely laugh above a whisper. All those who believe in inclusivity are welcome to our table. I am comfortable in my thoughts, feelings, and knowledge. I am comfortable listening and learning. I am comfortable. That can be a very challenging thing to be. I am grateful for this opportunity to grow within myself and this community.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Season of Change

The car turns on. My phone connects. I reverse out of my parking spot and begin the long drive home. I have time to reflect on the day and the choices I made. I get to do this at my own speed, uninterrupted in the quiet, with only my podcast to listen to.  The mental load begins to lift as the snow drifts down. This snow will not stick, even though it is covering the grass. This snow will melt and life will continue as we know it. It is the same with the worries and concerns from the day. They too will melt and life will continue as we know it. This snow feels like a reminder, or maybe that's how I'm choosing to see the world, that everything has its season. So too, do 8th graders have seasons. I'm not sure what this one is yet, but I am living for it day by day. As the windshield wipers remove the wet, the view clears again. Focus is important, but too much focus can blind us to other possibilities. I realize, as I pull into the garage that I feel lighter. I made a choice ...
8 comments
Read more

The Performance Review

 Today being the first of the month, I sat down with my notebook to give myself my monthly "Performance Review": did I meet my goals? What went well? What needs to change? How am I going to incorporate those changes? Did I complete my to do lists efficiently? February is the shortest month, but when your mind and body feel unregulated all of the days blur together like one, big, looming disaster. Upon looking at the various trackers and notes to myself I had left on the pages, I noticed a distinct, almost two full weeks, blank space in every one of them. While I could certainly blame going out of town, I took my notebook with me. I took my regulating systems with me. Maybe I could look to other areas to shift my blame? No. This is a year of accountability. Of learning not to simply survive, but thrive alongside my neurodivergence. I reviewed each page with intention, mentally noted each misstep that led to a bigger lapse that led to the ultimate breakdown of systems and patte...
5 comments
Read more

It's Okay to be Too Much (aka yourself)

*The original version of this post used timestamps, summaries, and direct quotes from the family group chat. My anxiety got to me, so here is a summary*  To provide two pieces of context for today's slice: I have caused my parents/sister worry and concern about my "appropriateness" since I learned to talk and had opinions 😂. Also, yesterday, I sent a text in the family group chat showing a shirt I wore to work that said "Read Banned Books" to kick off "Read Across America" week (cue the concern). Today, I sent a picture in the family group chat of me wearing a "Reading Rainbow" t-shirt and a statement that while I did not have enough shirts to go all week, that was okay (otherwise, I'd end up with shirt deliveries, links, or Facebook messages out the wazoo!). My sister, who did not engage with the "Read Banned Books" of yesterday, responded to say it looked cute. I cracked a joke about hoping it encouraged my 8th graders to rea...
2 comments
Read more